Refund request for summer 2021

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Dear:

I would like to please return one (1) summer 2021. I regret to inform you that it did not live up to my expectations, and I believe I am entitled to a refund full.

When I made my deal to experience summer 2021, I did so with the understanding that the season would be a non-stop festival of orgiastic fun. Instead, it was pretty similar to most other summers I’ve experienced, and actually worse in some ways. It was definitely warmer and rainier than some previous summers, for example, and I got bored much sooner than I expected, to the point where I had enough free time to research the definition of ‘orgiastic’.

Also, in mid-July I hit my toe really, really hard. He turned purple and hurt for, like, six days. I know it was never explicitly said that it wouldn’t happen in the summer of 2021, but I feel like it was pretty heavily implied.

The point is, I am clearly the victim of false advertising – since mid-December 2020 I have been told over and over again that summer 2021 will not only mark a full return to normalcy but also people will be happier to see. meet. , that the ice cream would taste better and that I would be six inches taller. When summer finally arrived, however, none of those things happened, and my attempt to make up for my lack of growth spurt by wearing platform shoes was only greeted with mocking comments about the fact. that it was no longer 1978.

Some events even got canceled again, and these are the fun events I really wanted to attend. Of course, the events I could well have avoided always happened and all ended in one way or another with me, trapped in the same long conversation with my great-uncle on the climax. music with Pat Boone’s album “Howdy!” But I guess it was best to talk to him about anything related to the pandemic.

I also didn’t experience any memorable summer loves, summer road trips, or summer songs. Maybe it’s because I haven’t tried going on dates, planning road trips, or turning on radios, but I’m still convinced none of that would have happened. must have mattered.

To be completely honest, the only part of the summer that ended up meeting my expectations was writing this letter, and it’s not even because I had a great time at the to write. I had about as much fun writing it as I expected. I even waited until after the fall equinox to send it out, in case all the really good things weren’t going to happen before summer felt over, but technically underway. But, unless you saw an unexpected sale on Pop-Tarts as very good stuff, that’s not what happened.

Anyway, if it turns out that I am not eligible for a refund for summer 2021, I would also accept an exchange for another summer of equal or greater value, so basically everything summer before 2020 but after 1945. My best choices would be the famous Summer of Love of 1967, the famous Summer of Platform Shoes of 1978, or 2006, which my older brother always insisted was the best summer of. all the time, although I’m pretty sure it’s just his way of dealing with the fact that our parents let him go to Bonnaroo that year but said I was too young.

Please let me know as soon as possible about the status of my request, and don’t try to appease me by simply offering to make the other seasons of the year warmer. I’ve said no to this a few times before, and while you seem to be determined to do it anyway, I’ll say no again.

Truly,
Every under thirty-five


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