HELLO, HGTV FANS. Good bones got back to basics this week after a few special projects. Speaking of basic, I’m Megan Fernandez, the in-house writer for Indianapolis Monthly, and art director Kristin Sims recaps as well.
Recent episodes featured the construction of Two Chicks and a Hammer Store, a house that didn’t need much demo, and a new build that was already partly built when Two Chicks bought it. This week, they’re tackling an Old Southside home with a terrible foundation, a sidewalk hole in the basement, crumbling walls and fire damage. He is barely standing. Like the good old days in Two Chicksland. It’s the first house in six seasons that Karen feels good about demolishing.
Kristine: Thank goodness they decided to demolish it! It’s their biggest dump to date — I guess the dump went to the dump. Yet Karen still wants to bring home trash!
Megan: The boys in the demo make it a competition – they have two minutes to ransack the house in search of the best rescue for Karen. Tad goes on the offensive, trying to trick the other two by throwing a toilet down the stairs. They laugh at him by barricading him upstairs, where he thinks he has found gold by finding pieces of colored glass, but the Tadmanian Devil is not up to their obstacle. He just bounces on a mattress and pushes his way through a wall of furniture.
Kristine: All this for dollar colored cheesy glass vase fillers. These guarantees oohs and ahhs?
Megan: So who wins?
Kristine: Cory always wins in my book, with Austin right behind. The tea cart was probably the only piece of furniture to do this in one piece.
Megan: Mina let the boys do an unnecessary demonstration before the house was completely demolished. Even in an all-out situation, Tad always does something that makes Mina (and everyone else) yell at him – he smashes the glass without wearing gloves. Then he throws a second-story cabinet onto the sidewalk, hoping for a bigger explosion than he got.
Kristine: I have no words.
Megan: I have a few for said sidewalk: It’s right next to the house. This house is right up the street with no setback. And for some reason, Two Chicks has to rebuild it on the same footprint.
Kristine: And they also decide to build a little porch, so they can rebuild everything.
Megan: I doubt anyone is sitting there. At least it’s set back. And this house will have a terrace on the second floor anyway. The new location will only have living space on the second level, above the garage, similar to a Season 5 finale house. At least the owners will be a bit off the street.
Kristine: I like the living room on the second floor. It gives the owner more light, more privacy and more air circulation. It’s just a workout after a big trip to the grocery store!
Megan: A grocery store dumbwaiter would have been handy.
Kristine: I hate to say I start cringe when they show the Stutz building because I know what’s coming!
Megan: Mina and MJ’s design powwow, which often involves a theme. It is well established that we are not the biggest fans of these themes.
Kristine: Do you think they need a theme to force themselves to do something different on each property and keep projects straight?
Megan: Maybe, and to structure the episode. And so they can use the word “vibe” a lot. In all fairness, a true professional designer (as opposed to us) recently wrote to compliment the Good Bones design style: “The fresh, clean design is reminiscent of my California style. They really appeal to all ages and all buyers. So refreshing to see easy and effortless style coming from the Midwest.
Kristine: It’s very convenient that the same tile works like magic every week in all themes.
Megan: The mood this week is “modern Italian villa”. This means warmer wood tones, butcher block counters, gray cabinets, and black hardware for a modern touch. But more exciting, Mina sketches an idea on a large pad of paper, and it reminds me of the old game show. Win, lose or draw. She wants to make a marble inlay in the counter, which will rest between two slabs of butcher’s block, thus eliminating the joint. An original by Mina.
Kristine: A butcher block gasket would have looked terrible, and I think it could have created structural issues with the plumbing.
Megan: Speaking of awful looks, the exterior is moving forward. Terrible is too strong, but it’s a patchwork of three coating colors to give the flat shape some interest. But Cory points out that the beige color looks like bandages. MJ and Cory want to change the liner, but Mina says, “We don’t have the money,” as if they were kids asking for a pool. So they focus on adding “distractions” to the interior, like Venetian plaster on a hump now turned into a “pillar” and a mural in the stairwell.
Kristine: I hated the idea of the mural – it felt forced to me – but I love the style of artist Justin Vining, and it stands out well in the neutral color palette. A mural is a risky and sometimes expensive business for any property put on the market. You never know someone’s taste and decoration.
Megan: At least the whole project was funny. Justin and MJ ask Cory and Austin to help them by painting the grass gray, very wispy and natural. But they’re so heavy that they just paint the area a solid gray. And they paint with ground coffee. Someone mumbled, “This house is not going to sell.
Kristine: I’m not a coffee drinker and the thought of a java-soaked wall made me cringe. If it was tea, which is common in art and fabrics, then I could go aboard. I kept wondering if this smell persisted, like when you walk into a smoker’s house.
Megan: It would smell of Italy! Sell it! The mural ends up looking OK and worthy of Justin. The episode opened with Jack Hawk, the cutest boy in the world, Mina’s son, painting on a toy easel with his father, and honestly, Jack might have done better than Cory and Austin.
Megan: In their defense, they also didn’t think they qualified. Much of the episode feels random. They precariously load the furniture with a forklift through the wobbly second-level porch doors, and Mina sets up the living room, then runs outside to meet with potential buyers. By the time Karen oversells the mural saying they’re back “big time” it all feels like a little fyre festival.
Kristine: Another house with no dining room too.
Megan: Okay, there’s one at the top of the stairs, but it’s small. The kitchen is really pretty though. It is small but has a lot of character. The living space is airy and flooded with natural light, and the patio above the garage is a lovely space. It’s not like the house is a disaster at all. But getting there seemed more bumpy than usual. I have to keep remembering that they filmed this during the pandemic last summer and fall.
Kristine: Despite our criticism, a couple bought the house for the full list, $ 250,000, for a profit of $ 74,000. In most episodes, the Two Chicks don’t make that kind of profit. I wish they had taken a little less and used fiber cement siding, especially when you see how the vinyl was already warped and wavy above the porch before the sale.
Megan: This prize also includes a beautiful stair railing that Mina and MJ sketched. If our craft crushes Iron Timbers did this, they didn’t get screen time.
Kristine: Last season, Two Chicks also worked with a local metalworking company. They must have paid full price, so no airtime. Plus, they can’t cheat on the Timber guys on the air!
Megan: I don’t feel carried away by Italy, but $ 250,000 is a decent price for being so close to the city center, even if you are sleeping on a sidewalk. I’m sure the buyers are happy, that’s what matters. Arrivederci until next week!